fork

I’m lost. Stuck at a fork in the road. Left or right? Or do I turn and go backwards…again?

Thank you for the words of encouragement and advice…its has helped. Something good will come from this, but it feels like I’m carrying around a vest of iron…and it weighs a ton. I’m tired, but I can’t sleep. I’m looking for a way, but all I see is my reflection.

I’m running out of ideas.

But it was so close, I could feel it again...whatever it is…like the faint smell of bacon on a Sunday morning when you wake up…or that feeling you get when you know your opponents next move…those moments in life when its like you've reached a checkpoint...like passing GO in Monopoly...but it is real? Was it ever real? Or have I gotten so good at convincing myself this path is for me that I ignore all warning signs, no matter how in-your-face-loser obvious? How do I trust myself?

I’ve been slowly coming to grips with the fact that do have a love/hate relationship with myself for years. Its probably the reason for everything. Part of it isn’t me, but the part of it that is, I’ve been trying to identify and eliminate for…anyway, its taken a lot of work, but I’ve got them cornered, and things are getting ugly. You know what they say about a cornered animal…well, multiply that by about 10…and I’m fighting on more than one front…I guess we all are…but right now, I’m IN it. Neck deep.

I think I want to sit down.