eyes open
Just sit and wait.
Right now it's all I can do. I want to reach out, but previous attempts have failed to motivate a response. The past three days have been alright. Good energy, good vibes at work, and a minor victory. I also slipped back briefly into old habits, a dabble if you will, but nothing that will cause the car to derail again. That's not saying it can't happen...it's happened time and after time before...but I've got a good feeling that no matter what, this time I'm committed to doing the right thing. I'm thinking positive.
The next week will be vitally important to my upward momentum. I'm working everyday, and hoping the busy schedule will leave me no time to worry. I want to believe that things will work out, but I'm also resigned to the idea that they may not. Ever. I've got to be ready for whatever comes, and not let it destroy me. I want nothing more than for the signs to be true, and I'll spend the next week focusing on making them a reality. How I do that I have no idea, but as long as I continue to meditate on it each morning, remain positive, and be my best self I've got to believe that things will work out the way they're supposed to.
I want us to have a future. I may have put my foot in my mouth, and may be guilty of pushing too hard, but I can't sit around waiting anymore. When those feelings take over, and the night swallows me whole, I need to be able to rely on the people I care about to help me make sense of it. I don't think I'm asking much. A caring ear. A soothing voice. A hand on my shoulder. Time. Understanding. Compassion. It's what I've given in spades. I'm not owed anything...I honestly don't believe that...but it would be great if she'd surprise me like she has in the past. I'm not going to hold my breath...but I am going to keep an eye out.
Right now it's all I can do. I want to reach out, but previous attempts have failed to motivate a response. The past three days have been alright. Good energy, good vibes at work, and a minor victory. I also slipped back briefly into old habits, a dabble if you will, but nothing that will cause the car to derail again. That's not saying it can't happen...it's happened time and after time before...but I've got a good feeling that no matter what, this time I'm committed to doing the right thing. I'm thinking positive.
The next week will be vitally important to my upward momentum. I'm working everyday, and hoping the busy schedule will leave me no time to worry. I want to believe that things will work out, but I'm also resigned to the idea that they may not. Ever. I've got to be ready for whatever comes, and not let it destroy me. I want nothing more than for the signs to be true, and I'll spend the next week focusing on making them a reality. How I do that I have no idea, but as long as I continue to meditate on it each morning, remain positive, and be my best self I've got to believe that things will work out the way they're supposed to.
I want us to have a future. I may have put my foot in my mouth, and may be guilty of pushing too hard, but I can't sit around waiting anymore. When those feelings take over, and the night swallows me whole, I need to be able to rely on the people I care about to help me make sense of it. I don't think I'm asking much. A caring ear. A soothing voice. A hand on my shoulder. Time. Understanding. Compassion. It's what I've given in spades. I'm not owed anything...I honestly don't believe that...but it would be great if she'd surprise me like she has in the past. I'm not going to hold my breath...but I am going to keep an eye out.
posted by neil at 3:49 AM
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