it's all right

I'm irritable.  I'm frustrated.  I'm tired.  I don't want to anymore.  I can't sleep.  I'm losing my appetite.  I'm smiling less.  My fuse is shorter.  I'm confused.  I feel like I'm being used and manipulated.  I feel like they're talking about me behind my back.  They don't respect me.  They're trying to poke the bear.  Is it worth it?  Am I getting anything out of this?  A job is a job is a job.  Is this because I didn't call?  Are they trying to teach me a lesson?  Or do they see that I'm burnt out and are taking it easier on me?  I should be so lucky for it to be the latter.

Right now I feel like a big fat ball of negativity.  Nothing turns me on.  Part of that is my attempts to avoid being turned on...but you'd think something would slip through and make me tingle.  No.  Home, bed, work.  Rinse repeat.  I'm finding some joy in books.  Distracting myself from the overwhelming thinking that keeps my mind racing...and things I'd rather not think about.

Going with the flow?  What if what's flowing is sewage?  Should I go with that?