bark v. bite

No pain, no gain.

The last year or so has seen quite a few subtle changes...not only in my life, but in me as well. Not so drastic that its anything to applaud or get excited about…but nothing so insignificant that its not worth noting. Cause for me, it is worth nothing. I still may chomp down on my tongue and wedge my foot in my mouth far too often…but its getting better. I’m getting better.

Its just that its taking so long. However, I'm starting to realize that I probably have a lot more to do with that than I realize...and only I can fix it.

Maybe I do make mountains of molehills…and maybe I do worry too much. Maybe I do need to force myself to mingle.

Sometimes it takes a night of worry and insomnia to rinse away the dread...wipe the slate clean. Last night was ugly…as have been the past 72 hours…hell, the past couple of weeks have been pretty rough. But today was a good day...albeit forced, but nevertheless, I felt as if I was that much closer to wherever I’m going. I’m still a shaky mess…but I truly feel like I'm a work in progress…I am trying. I’ve always been hard on myself…just maybe not in the right areas. I've learned some hard lessons, but what doesn't kill you...

I can’t control the world. Shit happens. And it keeps happening.

Unfortunately, my heart still tries to find a way to help out…trying harder than it should to make things better. That probably won’t change. I can’t help myself with that.