cold peaches
I think the more successful you are, the faster time goes. If you’re a rich motherfucker, chances are you’ve had to (and still have to) work 18+ hour days…you’ve networked till your feet bled…you’re popular, so you go out a lot, and have lots of friends who you see for coffee…for a movie…for lunch…and before you know it, you’re 45 and now you’ve got to start seriously thinking about what you’re going to do for the rest of your life.
When you’re poor…shit, every day is a 24 hour struggle. Maybe you’ve got a job…but you hate it…cause it doesn’t pay and every time you look at the clock, its like its getting slower and slower…so you stop looking altogether. Day after day those 6 AM collection agent wake-up calls…kids screaming there’s nothing to eat…maybe you're drunk or stoned...or both...watching another hour of Days of Our Lives before Oprah comes on...and then at the end of the day, when you try to lay down and grab a few hours of sleep...you can't, cause you're worried sick. Time feels like its crawling in tar.
So, the fact that I just worked a week straight, ridiculous hours, and don’t know what day it is or what I’ve eaten the last couple of days…or when I’ve slept…it’s a good thing. Every time I turn around I'm working in 3 hours...I’m on the cusp of another promotion, but this time, I know I’m ready for it. More time at work sure, but more time = more money... and while I'll probably really need those 2 weeks vacation they give me by August or September (so long as I get the job) I've just decided...or been forced...to face the fact that I've got to change. I have no choice. Time and again, I've made wrong turns, said the right thing at the wrong time to the wrong person...and its just not working. Its either this or the abyss I say…and there’s probably a good reason I’ve spent the past decade on the edge of the abyss and didn’t jump all the way in...so its this.
At least, that’s how I’ve got to look at it, cause if not…game over, man!
When you’re poor…shit, every day is a 24 hour struggle. Maybe you’ve got a job…but you hate it…cause it doesn’t pay and every time you look at the clock, its like its getting slower and slower…so you stop looking altogether. Day after day those 6 AM collection agent wake-up calls…kids screaming there’s nothing to eat…maybe you're drunk or stoned...or both...watching another hour of Days of Our Lives before Oprah comes on...and then at the end of the day, when you try to lay down and grab a few hours of sleep...you can't, cause you're worried sick. Time feels like its crawling in tar.
So, the fact that I just worked a week straight, ridiculous hours, and don’t know what day it is or what I’ve eaten the last couple of days…or when I’ve slept…it’s a good thing. Every time I turn around I'm working in 3 hours...I’m on the cusp of another promotion, but this time, I know I’m ready for it. More time at work sure, but more time = more money... and while I'll probably really need those 2 weeks vacation they give me by August or September (so long as I get the job) I've just decided...or been forced...to face the fact that I've got to change. I have no choice. Time and again, I've made wrong turns, said the right thing at the wrong time to the wrong person...and its just not working. Its either this or the abyss I say…and there’s probably a good reason I’ve spent the past decade on the edge of the abyss and didn’t jump all the way in...so its this.
At least, that’s how I’ve got to look at it, cause if not…game over, man!
photo from squareamerica.com
posted by neil at 1:08 AM
3 Comments:
I'll just keep saying it dude, but your exile is self-imposed. There's nothing wrong with you.
Ditto- what the pretty boy said. Good luck on the promotion & would this be welcome to society??? ;)
thanks, both of you! I am fully willing to admit that my 'exile' from the world at large is self imposed...and mostly by choice...but I do have some sort of social anxiety, and for the most part, I just don't seem to get along with people anymore. And those that I do get along with, well, they usually don't see it the same way...
just bad luck I guess.
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