Standing Outside Yourself
Things with me are a little strange right now. After my little meltdown a couple of weeks ago I decided I needed to step outside of myself for a while. I needed to try a new perspective because clearly, the one I had been using was sending me hurtling down the mountain at 100 km/h…and I needed to slam on the breaks before I really got hurt.
So for the past week, I’ve been doing everything I can to numb myself and forget my life. I've just turned off. I’m really starting to feel beat down by life’s constant disappointments and figure I might as well just expect nothing. I know, I know…dissapointment is a part of life, and you have to be able to take the good with the bad, but when you feel like your life is a constant struggle, and the rewards you do recieve are of the dollar store variety, the bad really starts to loom large sometimes. Like a closet full of regrets and disappointments, at some point, you come to dread having to open it up to stuff one more 'loss' in there out of fear you may be overcome in an avalanche of pain.
Its getting so I can't bear to look anymore.
So, that’s where I am. I'm here...but I'm not really here. I’m feeling worn out, confused and tired…and stringing words together is just proving too difficult.
So for the past week, I’ve been doing everything I can to numb myself and forget my life. I've just turned off. I’m really starting to feel beat down by life’s constant disappointments and figure I might as well just expect nothing. I know, I know…dissapointment is a part of life, and you have to be able to take the good with the bad, but when you feel like your life is a constant struggle, and the rewards you do recieve are of the dollar store variety, the bad really starts to loom large sometimes. Like a closet full of regrets and disappointments, at some point, you come to dread having to open it up to stuff one more 'loss' in there out of fear you may be overcome in an avalanche of pain.
Its getting so I can't bear to look anymore.
So, that’s where I am. I'm here...but I'm not really here. I’m feeling worn out, confused and tired…and stringing words together is just proving too difficult.
posted by neil at 5:39 PM
2 Comments:
Dude... you're primed for a major change. What's up with the job prospects? Time to chase the cheddar or what? Start fresh. What do you want to do? You need a dream, my man. A realistic, plausible dream.
You don't know how closely this resonates with my own life. Thank you for being so candid.
Post a Comment
<< Home