the new girl
A new girl joined ‘the team’ at my old job…actually, I still work there…so, we’ll call it job # 1…anyway…this new girl, she got hired about 3-4 months ago, and for whatever reason, virtually the entire staff, save myself and the assistant manager, took a dislike to her. Not a hatred, but they were surprisingly quick to point out her faults and critique her effectiveness at the job, something that kind of surprised me. I thought she was actually quite natural and seemed to know what she was talking about. The fact that I found her attractive probably did paint her in softer tones in my eyes, but still…I thought she was getting a raw deal at the time. Time, however, has not been kind to her...and she has continued to struggle...but she has also had the misfortune of some pretty unkind luck (car accident...friend decides to sue her...) so, again, I still see the potential...but its hard to overlook the other 'stuff'.
Which brings me to today. Now…after yet another rough day (trust me, you don't want to know...), and having been at job # 2 now for over a month, I’m beginning to think that I’m ‘that girl’. After really putting my best foot forward to land the gig…my worst fears have been realized in the past 3 weeks or so. After a very productive training period, I was ready to be cast out on my own…out in the field…but complications and delays on my employers part slowed things down. More problems popped up. And soon, one thing after another was going wrong. Then I started making mistakes. Small ones, but ones I was confident I could avoid making…mistakes I don’t normally make.
I know a big reason for this is just being worn out. I don’t think I’ve felt this exhausted for so long since back when I was in school cramming for exams and writing 30 page papers back to back. Only this time, there is no finish line…only bi-weekly bail outs of survival moneys to get you through the next 2 week period. Sure…two to three times a year you get a week off (if you’re lucky) to recharge and recuperate…but then its right back on the wheel for another 1,000,000 revolutions. Look at me…5 weeks in and I’m a wreck…what’ll be left of me in 5 more?
But I’ve got to pull it together…I need this job…and I know I can do it…I’ve just had a bad string of luck, along with a couple of ‘iffy’ rationalizations on my part, but the worst is behind me…today, despite the early disaster it was…actually turned out…well…it was still another bad day in a line of bad days…but maybe, hopefully, I turned a corner today. In that time, I’m sure the job will get easier…things will start to come more naturally…and the stress and uneasiness of my first few months will be replaced by a comfortable detachment that will allow me to, as soon as my front door swings open at night, put the job to one side and relax.
Because right now…I just can’t for the life of me turn it off.
I know a big reason for this is just being worn out. I don’t think I’ve felt this exhausted for so long since back when I was in school cramming for exams and writing 30 page papers back to back. Only this time, there is no finish line…only bi-weekly bail outs of survival moneys to get you through the next 2 week period. Sure…two to three times a year you get a week off (if you’re lucky) to recharge and recuperate…but then its right back on the wheel for another 1,000,000 revolutions. Look at me…5 weeks in and I’m a wreck…what’ll be left of me in 5 more?
But I’ve got to pull it together…I need this job…and I know I can do it…I’ve just had a bad string of luck, along with a couple of ‘iffy’ rationalizations on my part, but the worst is behind me…today, despite the early disaster it was…actually turned out…well…it was still another bad day in a line of bad days…but maybe, hopefully, I turned a corner today. In that time, I’m sure the job will get easier…things will start to come more naturally…and the stress and uneasiness of my first few months will be replaced by a comfortable detachment that will allow me to, as soon as my front door swings open at night, put the job to one side and relax.
Because right now…I just can’t for the life of me turn it off.
photo by: Lance W. Clayton
posted by neil at 10:39 PM
3 Comments:
You have my sympathy and empathy. I hate the first six months of a new job. There are so many political land mines to maneuver.
My mom gave me a book call 'the art of happiness at work' by the Dalai Lama when I was going through a particularly stressful time in the office (I groaned when it was handed to me, but it was really good). I think the key thing it said that helped me was to try to remember that you're working with people (not evil energy sucking robots - as I believed was the case) and if you are kind and compassionate, they will probably reflect that back at you. It helped for a while, but I did wind up quitting (though not in righteous anger).
Anyway, very best wishes in the jobs!
Thank you Renee...you know, that's a really good point about 'working with people'. Because they all know the job like the back of their hand, and I'm still super green, I don't feel like 'one of them' yet...so I feel like I'm being watched or something. My boss has already said that he understands there is a sharp lerning curve for this job, and that I am going to struggle for the first few months...but I'm very hard on myself, and I just don't think I've performed as well as I'd like thus far.
There have been a lot of issues that have little to nothing to do with me, but because there's been a whole string of them, I've got that 'maybe I'm cursed' feeling...and I'm worried that my boss may end up seeing me that way before I can turn things around.
I'll keep an eye out for that book though, I'm sure there'll be a few things I can draw from it.
Thanks again...
=)
I deal with stress like a monkey deals with a banana plane that has crashed into the jungle: swarm and destroy all evidence thereof. It is now time to score and inhale excessive quantities of drugs. Stress = one fine mess.
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