guns and roses

The past two years have been a bit of a blur. I thought when I walked away from my little corner of the Internet in ’09 that things were going to change. Blogging, writing, venting…whatever you want to call this exercise…had served its purpose…it had opened my eyes to a side of myself I’d only caught glimpses of in notebooks and outside the margins in school notes…but it had run its course. It was a capsule of a period of my life, left to float in the infinite of the internet. I rarely, if ever, visited over the past 26 months…to the point where I had pretty much forgotten about F&LIA.

So why did I come back?

Its hard for me to pinpoint, but like most anything in a man’s life, it was at least partly about a girl. A weight has recently been lifted off my shoulders, much to my chagrin at the time. But in hindsight, it has really freed me to move forward completely unencumbered by any ties to anything. And that, somehow, has rekindled a desire to write. What this will turn into, and for how long I don’t know…but the fact that it felt like ‘time’ was an interesting feeling that I haven’t had in a while. Its been an especially rough 6 months on a lot of fronts, and now its just about me, and will stay that way for a while. I don’t exactly have the best record recently when it comes to self-motivating and following through on what sparks of inspiration I’m able to capture…and this world can be tough enough when you’ve got a partner-in-crime, let alone when you’re a lone gunman…so its not like I’m overflowing with confidence. But the fact that I’m going to be running solo for the foreseeable future feels oddly liberating, yet also quite terrifying as well…in a heavy chest kind of way. But it’s the only way I’m going to do this…because I can honestly say that I don’t trust anyone anymore.