iron butterfly

I feel my life shifting.

I've gone through a few of these crossroads type periods before, and they always feel profound, or heavy...like something really is happening. Something is changing. It might be change for the better...it might be a turn for the worse...but something is dying and something else is being born.

That's happening to me. Now the question is, is this something I have control over? I think I do. Be it right or wrong, I have the choice of which way I point myself and how I face what I walk into along that path. Everything else is just...life?

Worst part about all this is that I'm the least excited about this 'change' as I've ever been. Maybe I'm just jaded from all those times when I thought 'this time' and was wrong? Maybe I'm just old? But maybe this business like approach to the next stage of my life is a good sign? Like I've finally grown up a bit and let some of that idealism that was weighing me down to slide off my shoulders.

This past 6 months has been a different kind of pain. Hardened up whatever soft bits I had left I think.