still in last

I've been really unsettled recently.  Money troubles have finally caught up to me in a big way, and the looming bills to be paid are starting to shout.  I haven't been able to sit down and relax.  I get home from work, a tired husk, and I just pace.  I surf the net, visiting the same dozen sites over and over again.  I tweak my fantasy football team.  I look at comic book covers.

I had something really good happen to me recently.  A real positive, affirming moment between me and a friend that made me feel as if I was actually appreciated.  I'm trying desperately not to turn this into another cynical moment where I twist the other persons actions and words and it comes out all self serving and hollow.  I'm going to resist the urge to do that this time, if only because I need to get over myself and just learn to appreciate people for who they are.

Ultimately, I just feel as if I'm not growing fast enough for my ever-evolving surroundings.  I'm still trailing...lagging behind.