OK

It was a good day.

I had the rug pulled up from under me...twice.  I got slapped in the face...a little.  But in the end, I got to spend some quality time with the person who I really like spending time with.  Real quality time.  We didn't go as deep as maybe we could have, but we still scratched at some pretty serious stuff.  She got a lot off her chest.  She got to hear what I thought.  She knows I care, and that I'm there for her, even if it takes her away from me forever.  She needed to hear it.  I needed to say it.

It won't be easy.  There will be moments, like there were today, where I really have to question the logic and the lack of compassion.  The fact that I'm so blatantly being kept at arms length.  But it's OK.  The alternative is not an option.  I need her in my life, just like, she needs me.  Just not as much as I need her.  But it's OK.

I'm not over it.  I'm not going to lie and say I'm cool with it.  But I have to be.  This is the part of the story where I could just cut and run.  Let her fade into the mist and let the credits roll.  But there's still more to the story.  There's still more that I can do for her and she can do for me.  Lessons still to be learned.  Shoulders still to be cried on.  It will be hard.  It's hard just thinking about it.  But if I've learned anything, it's that I've got to follow my heart all the way.  Not half way.  Not to a point.  All the way.  And if it kills me, I die doing something I believe in.  On someone I believe in.  

She's still so young.  She's on the cusp.  She needs to see what's out there and I absolutely respect that.  I admire it.  I'm jealous of it.  It's going to hurt like hell to watch her go, but I know it's for the best.  For her.  And right now, it's all about her.  It always has been, and maybe that's the way it should stay.  Selfish feelings aside.  For now and forever.

She's my best friend.  And she's leaving.  Like all the others.  

But it's OK.