Into The Wild
"Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past."
****
Normally this is where I would give a review of the film, but last night was no ordinary night…and, it would seem, ‘Into The Wild’ is no ordinary movie…so this is no ordinary review.
Now I’ll preface this by saying that I got the book for Christmas and read it in about 3 days. I thought it was fantastic…but more than that, I really felt a connection to the main character, Christopher McCandless. I saw a lot of myself in him. A lot.
I’m what you might call a bit of an idealist. I have a real hard time with the way the world is…accepting the way money and power and material possessions have such an elevated importance in our world. It just bothers me. Or the fragility and mystery of happiness, life and love. Why must the most important aspects of humanity be so mysterous…so fleeting…so hard to hold? McCandless was an idealist in the purest, but also most reckless form. He was an intelligent, yet slightly naïve young man, who, for whatever reason, felt the need to be free from the life that he felt he was being groomed for by his parents and society…a life he felt he had little control over, and one he knew he didn’t fit into…so he just ran away from everything…his family…his life…and towards himself.
"If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed."
I can’t think of how many times I’ve dreamed of selling all my shit, packing up only the most personal and necessary items and disappearing. Hawaii…Fiji…Mexico…B.C….they’ve all been circled at one time or another…but sanity and fear put a stop to it before I ever really got going. It seems like I’ve been looking for ‘something’ forever…and while I have an idea what it is I need…its more a feeling than something I can identify physically…and its because I’ve carried this idea of ‘something’ with me for so long that I’m stubbornly unwilling to let it go…I fear that if I give up on it…there will be no return trip…and it, along with myself, will be truly lost forever. I think Chris felt this too. The fact that he actually went looking for his ‘something’ trumps whatever mistakes he made along the way in my opinion. As it turned out, the destination, while very important, was not as important as the journey itself…for it was the journey that gave him the perspective to allow him to find what it was he was looking for at the end of the road. He touched a lot of souls on his travels…including mine…which is probably why I broke down last night.
Its should come as no shock that I’ve been wrestling with some pretty serious shit the past few weeks. I mean...when am I not wrestling with something…right? But this is different. My new job has added a giant weight to my life…one I was expecting, but ultimately one I wasn’t ready for…and I’m really struggling to find my way. I’m trying desperately to get used to going to bed and waking up at completely different hours than I’ve been used to…which is compounding the problem(s)…I'm having trouble eating well...as well as the fact that I’m going through some personal stuff that I’m just not comfortable getting into right now. So to say I’m stressed would be a bit of an understatement. And its showing. But whatever it was that has been riding shotgun in my psyche the past 2-3 weeks finally reached over and grabbed the wheel last night…and proceeded to steer me right over a cliff.
I was a mess. (I really don’t know why I feel the need to share this…I actually was trying to keep this sort of thing from happening again…on here…and part of me wants to just depress the backspace button and hold it down till all this goes away…but I really have nowhere else to turn…so…)
I’m quite sure that the film (and my recollections of the book) had a lot to do with it…the key that finally unlocked that door if you will…but my God that door was bound to come crashing down at any time…its as if I could feel it coming unhinged over the past few days…ready to fall. But you know what? As terrible and as helpless as I felt last night…I feel like I got it out of my system (for the most part), got a good sleep, and rebounded with a pretty good day today. To look at me, you wouldn’t have guessed what I went through only 10-12 hours before.
I don’t know if it was just the timing of it…or what…but I have a feeling that something about this story really hit a spot in me that doesn’t often get touched…and brought out a part of me that I had been trying to bury and ignore…to put to one side to deal with ‘some other time’. Well…some other time turned out to be last night…
"What if I were smiling and running into your arms? Would you see then what I see now?"
As for the film, it was very good. It doesn’t quite capture everything the book did…but the film, and the performances of certain characters really added an element of humanity to the story that I wasn’t expecting. As for McCandless…many times throughout the book and the film, I just wanted to give the guy a good shake and tell him his head is the clouds, and he’s being reckless…that there’s another way…but then there’s that part of me that remembers how I felt during those lonely nights at University…or sitting alone in my bedroom in my parents basement…or sitting outside, late at night, staring up at the stars…and I don’t blame him one bit for doing what he did. Part of me wishes I had that kind of determination…that kind of desire…the resolve to see something…want something…or feel something…and to go after it with 100% of your being…and damn the consequences. Who knows…maybe I do, I just don’t know it yet? Maybe this is where all this is headed?
I think everyone should see this film. Many people will watch this film and think that McCandless was an idiot to do what he did. That’s fine. This movie isn’t for them. They can’t understand what it feels like to feel trapped by life…to be a prisoner of ones own frustration...with the world…or with themselves. Or maybe they do...but this movie does nothing for them? That's cool. But for those who feel a little more, and know that there’s more to this world than having the best job, and the biggest house, and the fastest car, and the cutest boyfriend/girlfriend…it will open something inside them. I’d be surprised if it doesn’t, because there is something very ‘human’ about this story…something you can’t put into words…even though I’m trying to…something that you just feel…not only for Chris McCandles…but for yourself as well.
"Happiness only real if shared."
****
Normally this is where I would give a review of the film, but last night was no ordinary night…and, it would seem, ‘Into The Wild’ is no ordinary movie…so this is no ordinary review.
Now I’ll preface this by saying that I got the book for Christmas and read it in about 3 days. I thought it was fantastic…but more than that, I really felt a connection to the main character, Christopher McCandless. I saw a lot of myself in him. A lot.
I’m what you might call a bit of an idealist. I have a real hard time with the way the world is…accepting the way money and power and material possessions have such an elevated importance in our world. It just bothers me. Or the fragility and mystery of happiness, life and love. Why must the most important aspects of humanity be so mysterous…so fleeting…so hard to hold? McCandless was an idealist in the purest, but also most reckless form. He was an intelligent, yet slightly naïve young man, who, for whatever reason, felt the need to be free from the life that he felt he was being groomed for by his parents and society…a life he felt he had little control over, and one he knew he didn’t fit into…so he just ran away from everything…his family…his life…and towards himself.
"If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed."
I can’t think of how many times I’ve dreamed of selling all my shit, packing up only the most personal and necessary items and disappearing. Hawaii…Fiji…Mexico…B.C….they’ve all been circled at one time or another…but sanity and fear put a stop to it before I ever really got going. It seems like I’ve been looking for ‘something’ forever…and while I have an idea what it is I need…its more a feeling than something I can identify physically…and its because I’ve carried this idea of ‘something’ with me for so long that I’m stubbornly unwilling to let it go…I fear that if I give up on it…there will be no return trip…and it, along with myself, will be truly lost forever. I think Chris felt this too. The fact that he actually went looking for his ‘something’ trumps whatever mistakes he made along the way in my opinion. As it turned out, the destination, while very important, was not as important as the journey itself…for it was the journey that gave him the perspective to allow him to find what it was he was looking for at the end of the road. He touched a lot of souls on his travels…including mine…which is probably why I broke down last night.
Its should come as no shock that I’ve been wrestling with some pretty serious shit the past few weeks. I mean...when am I not wrestling with something…right? But this is different. My new job has added a giant weight to my life…one I was expecting, but ultimately one I wasn’t ready for…and I’m really struggling to find my way. I’m trying desperately to get used to going to bed and waking up at completely different hours than I’ve been used to…which is compounding the problem(s)…I'm having trouble eating well...as well as the fact that I’m going through some personal stuff that I’m just not comfortable getting into right now. So to say I’m stressed would be a bit of an understatement. And its showing. But whatever it was that has been riding shotgun in my psyche the past 2-3 weeks finally reached over and grabbed the wheel last night…and proceeded to steer me right over a cliff.
I was a mess. (I really don’t know why I feel the need to share this…I actually was trying to keep this sort of thing from happening again…on here…and part of me wants to just depress the backspace button and hold it down till all this goes away…but I really have nowhere else to turn…so…)
I’m quite sure that the film (and my recollections of the book) had a lot to do with it…the key that finally unlocked that door if you will…but my God that door was bound to come crashing down at any time…its as if I could feel it coming unhinged over the past few days…ready to fall. But you know what? As terrible and as helpless as I felt last night…I feel like I got it out of my system (for the most part), got a good sleep, and rebounded with a pretty good day today. To look at me, you wouldn’t have guessed what I went through only 10-12 hours before.
I don’t know if it was just the timing of it…or what…but I have a feeling that something about this story really hit a spot in me that doesn’t often get touched…and brought out a part of me that I had been trying to bury and ignore…to put to one side to deal with ‘some other time’. Well…some other time turned out to be last night…
"What if I were smiling and running into your arms? Would you see then what I see now?"
As for the film, it was very good. It doesn’t quite capture everything the book did…but the film, and the performances of certain characters really added an element of humanity to the story that I wasn’t expecting. As for McCandless…many times throughout the book and the film, I just wanted to give the guy a good shake and tell him his head is the clouds, and he’s being reckless…that there’s another way…but then there’s that part of me that remembers how I felt during those lonely nights at University…or sitting alone in my bedroom in my parents basement…or sitting outside, late at night, staring up at the stars…and I don’t blame him one bit for doing what he did. Part of me wishes I had that kind of determination…that kind of desire…the resolve to see something…want something…or feel something…and to go after it with 100% of your being…and damn the consequences. Who knows…maybe I do, I just don’t know it yet? Maybe this is where all this is headed?
I think everyone should see this film. Many people will watch this film and think that McCandless was an idiot to do what he did. That’s fine. This movie isn’t for them. They can’t understand what it feels like to feel trapped by life…to be a prisoner of ones own frustration...with the world…or with themselves. Or maybe they do...but this movie does nothing for them? That's cool. But for those who feel a little more, and know that there’s more to this world than having the best job, and the biggest house, and the fastest car, and the cutest boyfriend/girlfriend…it will open something inside them. I’d be surprised if it doesn’t, because there is something very ‘human’ about this story…something you can’t put into words…even though I’m trying to…something that you just feel…not only for Chris McCandles…but for yourself as well.
"Happiness only real if shared."
posted by neil at 9:44 PM
2 Comments:
This was a really good post Neil, and a perfect example of how therapeutic it can be to write your thoughts down. I applaud your bravery, and I'm happy you didn't erase this one. Your honesty is rare among people these days, and the first step toward dealing with any problem is to get real.
I can't really relate to running away though. Any asshole can pack it in and leave, turn his back on everything. The real people stick it out, fight in the trenches, get back up when life rains stress down on them. Life is a gift, and if you take it too seriously, it's depressing as fuck. Every time that I get depressed, I try to step away from taking things so seriously.
I'm happy that you found a new job. I'm drifting further and further from the details of your life, but as far as I knew, your last one was a waste of your potential and intellect. Let the stress fuel your fire, not put it out. Keep on brother.
Thamks bro.
I agree with you about using stress as fuel instead of letting it defeat you...its just really hard to remember that its not the end of the world when things are really shitty. I've always taken life a little too seriously...but I also used to be a pretty funny/goofy guy too...but as I get older, I find that I get more serious, and less fun...and I don't like it.
And I think part of why I never did 'run away' is because I knew that it probably wasn't going to solve my problems...and as rough as the past few years have been, I know I am stronger (but a lot more beat up too) for having stuck it out.
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