click

There's always a tinge of regret when I post some of the more 'internal' thoughts on this blog...I honestly don't know what the hell I'm talking about some of the time...just weird, sad shit...but for the most part, even if I've looked back on something I've written and seen it as lame or sad or pathetic, it lets me look at it from another perspective...lets me look at myself from a different vantage point...and learn something.

The previous post to this one has been on my mind for most of the day. I woke up thinking about what I wrote...how I was going to 'face the day'...and it all seemed so pointless. I know myself too well to believe I have any control over anything that does or doesn't happen to me...or goes on in this fucked up head of mine...or in this deathtrap of a heart...so I've got to just chill a bit and go with the flow like I'm always talking about and just...whatever. So when I came on here and read what magdalena had posted...well...it really was what I needed to hear. It was like the best hug I've gotten in years!

I'm glad I said it. And I'm glad she said it. And if you don't agree...well...fair enough...but I doubt it'll change my mind. At least...not today. For someone like me, its the little things that really mean a lot...a sign here...a feeling there...I don't want much, really I don't...but a little genuine re-inforcement can be a huge deal to a someone so shut off as I am. Problem is that praise and encouragement can usually feel manufactured to someone tuned in to being so jaded...or sometimes it just feels like it comes with a price tag attached...to be continued. But then sometimes, the words carry a weight...and it hits you right here...it just clicks. Someone got you.

It may just be today...but right now, I don't feel like an idiot...and I've got more than one person to thank for that...so if you've ever left a comment on here...thanks for the support!