here comes the sun
I don't know what's going on.
I am a buffet table of emotions these days. Reach in and you'll find everything from excitement to dread...pain, apathy, hunger, fulfillment, compassion, bitterness...I could go on. I'm all over the place. The noise both delights and frustrates me to no end. I'm alive again, but I'm a fucking jumble, a puzzle right out of the box sitting there on the dining room table in pieces. I capable of putting the pieces back together, but I don't know if I want to leave it up to me anymore? I think I'm going to need help this time...you know, to get it right? Once and for all. And he lived happily ever after?
Dreams, dreams. I guess we all have them. Mine just happen to be foggy visions of sunshine and the sound of the ocean. I think my 18 year old self really knew what I wanted...only somehow the sound of the world drowned him out over time.
Now I don't think about paradise or the ocean...I think about how I can shave off as much debt as quickly as possible, or how I really don't have anything in the fridge. Reality has a sneaky way of making its presence felt...but its constant and unrelenting...and never lets you drift off like you used to, to happier times to come.
I am a buffet table of emotions these days. Reach in and you'll find everything from excitement to dread...pain, apathy, hunger, fulfillment, compassion, bitterness...I could go on. I'm all over the place. The noise both delights and frustrates me to no end. I'm alive again, but I'm a fucking jumble, a puzzle right out of the box sitting there on the dining room table in pieces. I capable of putting the pieces back together, but I don't know if I want to leave it up to me anymore? I think I'm going to need help this time...you know, to get it right? Once and for all. And he lived happily ever after?
Dreams, dreams. I guess we all have them. Mine just happen to be foggy visions of sunshine and the sound of the ocean. I think my 18 year old self really knew what I wanted...only somehow the sound of the world drowned him out over time.
Now I don't think about paradise or the ocean...I think about how I can shave off as much debt as quickly as possible, or how I really don't have anything in the fridge. Reality has a sneaky way of making its presence felt...but its constant and unrelenting...and never lets you drift off like you used to, to happier times to come.
posted by neil at 12:21 AM
1 Comments:
You are human. If we are sensitive we feel things.
Your blog is a testament to your gift as a writer. Serious writers suffer. Many in obscurity.
The trick is to endure the suffering.
Be kind to yourself, sustain your gift, nourish yourself in all ways.
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