mark

Deaths in the family.  Sick parent.  Old (eternal) flame's return.  Job drama.  Car trouble.  Low money.  Tired all the time.  How do I deal with all this at once?  How do I keep my emotions in check?  I've got to fake it.  I really have no other choice.  I have to be present for this.  It's going to be terribly difficult.  This will fly in the face of pretty much everything I've done the past 15 years...taking the hard road.  How do I keep the wheel straight?  Deep down, way down, I know I can do it.  I know I have it in me.  Where and how I find the fire to push me is the biggest question.  Being present helps.  Not deflecting.  Taking charge.  Owning the moment.  Look at this, I'm trying to hype myself up.  Terrible.

If not now, when?  All signs point to this being the moment.  The start.  It's just waiting for me to step up to the line.  I need to step up to the line.