birthday brother

On a lighter note...a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my brother Paul, who turns 26 today. As the older sibling, I’ve always seen my brother as my ’little’ brother...and its taken me a while to stop seeing him as a kid. We share the same blood...so he’s prone to the same clouds and terrors that blow through my head more than I’d like...but unlike me, he makes friends WAY easier than I do, is much more outgoing, is in WAY better shape, is a fantastic soccer player, is ambitious and, well...he’s turning out to be a fine young man, with the kind of cocky swagger (not too cocky of course...I’d give him a good beat down if his head got too big) that is nice to see in a member of my family. To be honest...I think he’s that way becaue of me actually...seeing the shit I’ve put myself through has made him realize that my path wasn’t for him...and he was right. That was always a fear of mine...that he’d think I was cool...this brooding, moody, isolated, anti-social misfit...when really, I’m a big fucking disaster. I also think it helped that he never got into drugs...I think he experimented with pot once or twice (once with me...which to this day I’m not very proud of...) but he didn’t like what it did to his head. He had a lot of problems with ’mental’ stuff as a child, and I think drugs just reminded him of those days.

The two of us have had our ups and downs over the years...and for a while, we were polar opposites...but we’ve managed to find a fairly steady balance in the past couple of years that has helped make us better friends...and while we’re not tight-tight like a lot of siblings are...we see a lot of ourselves in each other...and so when shit hits the fan, its pretty amazing how much we can relate.

I still remember one conversation we had a few months ago...when I was at the bottom of a deep hole, broke, trying to figure out my next move. I saw him in his car, and flagged him down. He came up to my apartment to grab a movie...and ended up staying for about 2 hours...just the two of us ripping into life...our lives...what we were doing...and at one point, I just looked at him and said...’man...we really ARE brothers!’



Happy Birthday Bro!