no mas
All weekend I’ve had that sinking feeling. It started on Friday during the day…and hasn’t left my chamber door, as it were, all weekend. All that optimism and enthusiasm…drained in a matter of weeks. I’m trying really hard to figure out if its me or the job…if there’s more I can do to ‘accept’ the added weight of responsibilities that are part of the job (and of any career really)…or if it really is just a bad fit? I’m a very flexible person…and I’m built to take quite a bit of punishment…I’ve had tough jobs before where I’ve stuck it out a lot longer than this and come to the conclusion that it just wasn’t for me…but my gut is telling me that this isn’t going to get easier any time soon. I told myself early, when things got off to a bit of a rocky start, that I would give the job a year…but I’m not even 2 full months in and I’m already seriously shuddering at the thought of trying to make it to 6. I really don’t think I’m going to make it.
When I was hired, I was asked how committed I was…and I genuinely believed that I would be with the company for a long time. It seemed like a great fit…good hours…out on my own and out of the office…a new challenge…a fair pay cheque…hell, I was even going to be working with a camera…outside…it just sounded like the change I needed…and I really, really wanted it. Bad.
But that was 7-8 weeks ago. Now…I feel worn out…more so than in the 2 + years I was at my previous job. Granted, it was a lot less pressure and paid accordingly…but there were aspects of the job that I actually enjoyed. Things that would put a smile on my face…daily. Sure the pay was garbage, and I wasn’t being ‘all that I could be’…but right now, there are just so many parts of the new job that I dislike that the money doesn’t seem to matter. And as far as reaching my potential in this job…well…I’m not so sure about that either.
It has given me a new perspective…opened my eyes to yet another profession I’m probably not built for…but that’s absolutely no consolation for what feels like another massive failure in a growing list of disappointments. I’m taking this one really hard. Tonight is going to be rough.
And the walls keep closing in…
When I was hired, I was asked how committed I was…and I genuinely believed that I would be with the company for a long time. It seemed like a great fit…good hours…out on my own and out of the office…a new challenge…a fair pay cheque…hell, I was even going to be working with a camera…outside…it just sounded like the change I needed…and I really, really wanted it. Bad.
But that was 7-8 weeks ago. Now…I feel worn out…more so than in the 2 + years I was at my previous job. Granted, it was a lot less pressure and paid accordingly…but there were aspects of the job that I actually enjoyed. Things that would put a smile on my face…daily. Sure the pay was garbage, and I wasn’t being ‘all that I could be’…but right now, there are just so many parts of the new job that I dislike that the money doesn’t seem to matter. And as far as reaching my potential in this job…well…I’m not so sure about that either.
It has given me a new perspective…opened my eyes to yet another profession I’m probably not built for…but that’s absolutely no consolation for what feels like another massive failure in a growing list of disappointments. I’m taking this one really hard. Tonight is going to be rough.
And the walls keep closing in…
posted by neil at 7:43 PM
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