slings and arrows/stupid apology

I don’t think there’s any more uncomfortable, disheartening situation to be in than to have a parent stare back at you with a look of disappointment. I got an eyeful of ‘that’ face today as I told my father about the end of my shiny new job. Maybe it was how I told him…short and to the point, in an almost ‘oh by the way’ kind of way…but I saw him sigh that sigh that all parents unleash when a son or daughter has just caused them a certain measure of grief. I really didn't want to get into why I quit...but he knew I was unhappy, I guess he was just hoping I'd ride it out...but clearly he was shaking his head on the inside...and a little on the outside too.

"Well...I hope you made the right decision..."

A couple of years ago…today’s events might have hurt…my father and I have always had a very ‘combative’ relationship, but I still want to impress upon him as best I can that I’m not the disaster I appear to be most of the time…and I’ve always, in the back of my mind, cared what he thought. But where I’m at right now, I barely felt a thing…just a slight prick…like a needle taking blood…and I was on my way. Maybe I was expecting it…years of never feeling good enough finally educating my anticipation...I’m guess I’m becoming numb to it all now. Fuck it!

Maybe now I’m finally learning how not to give a shit what anyone else thinks?

Probably not.


picture by: Valery Milovic

And to all the people I verbally attacked in my last post…you know, the dumb fucks….I would like to apologize...sort of. Just because I’m on high alert all the time and go out of my way to be courteous and attentive doesn’t mean that the rest of society should forced to be as well. It'd be nice...and would sure help out...but unrealistic expectations are just a road to constant disappointment. In life, the only thing you can count on is yourself...and even then, you'll be disappointed from time to time. When it comes to being out in public, sometimes people just want to shut off after a long day…and if they choose to do it in public while money and services are being exchanged…so be it. I know I have my bad days.

I'm not letting all the dumb fuck's off...there are still quite of few of you out there who know what your doing and do it anyway cause its easy...and that's just...well...it makes me want to, as Ms. GPG put it (and she's one of the really smart ones!), tear my hair out of my head.

I just wish sometimes that common sense wasn’t so uncommon.