how?

I really don't understand. I'm just supposed to be myself? I thought that’s what I was doing…what I’ve been doing. Its like I’m dancing some fucked up dance…some steps familiar and enticing, others not-so-much. Is it really me? I'm I that out of tune? I ain’t a dud. I’ve met duds. I'm not a dud...at least I don't think so. Sure...I could do better...but that's not it. Am I just a curiosity to be admired from a safe distance? Someone who looks nice on paper...but in the moment is...difficult to digest?

Now hope just seems pathetic. I'm in a vice.