would

I'm scared.  I'm weak.  I'm lazy.

All 3 are things I can control...but can't.  If only I could.

Today was another eye opener.  I'm not even the man I used to be...I'm not growing, I'm getting old.  I'm getting tired.

My skin has gone to shit in the matter of a few weeks.  Rashes, and red, dry, scaley skin replacing the smooth, healthy skin I've had all my life, save for those zit covered years in my teens.  I'm literally falling apart, drying out, and can't seem to do anything to stop it.

Its starting to sink what I've wasted all these years.  What I could have been doing.