Yellow Lines

Doesn't life just seems fresher when you’re in a good mood? You breathe in a little more air, your step has a little more spring…and the things that sit on your brain and pick away at you like a thousand tiny pickaxe’s on all those bad days seem to go on vacation…or start to seem smaller. I know it won’t last…it never does…something will pop up, something will go wrong, and I’ll find myself struggling once again. But for right now, the past couple of days have been a welcome break from the overcast and sometimes miserable ‘weather’ that blew in around Christmas. I’ve been sleeping better (with the aid of sleeping pills), I’ve been able to keep up my very ‘basic’ exercise routine for nearly 6 weeks now, and things at work have been going a lot smoother.

I’m still near the bottom of the hill, I know this, but at least I feel like (for right now) I’m going in the right direction. Some days it feels like one step forward, one step back…but on the whole, I feel like I’ve made some real strides toward curing the ills that have plagued me for years. Sure, some of my old habits/insecurities have bubbled to the surface from time to time…and yes I have said many of these exact words in previous entries, only to fall on my ass 24 hours later…but thanks to the patience, understanding and positive influence of a few friends, and a growing determination on my part, I’ve been able to maintain my composure and gut it out. Its been hard…sometimes the dark can really envelop me…swallow me up in a cold blanket of uneasiness and confusion…but I’m finding it slightly easier now to pull myself out of the mire, even if it feels like ripping off a band-aid. Slowly, I’m getting tougher…

But its been a long, long road to get to this point…