don't let me down

I lie more than I'd care to admit.  I lie to myself.  I lie to others.  I spin tales to explain absences, or make it seem like I'm busier than I actually am.  They used to feel harmless...cause most of the time I showed up, or was busy, so it was a once-in-a-blue-moon thing.  That made it easy.  Now, its all I do.  If I were to look back at the past couple of years of my life, as told by me, and as lived by me, they'd be two totally different stories, but I wouldn't be able to tell right from wrong myself.

I don't want to lie anymore.  To myself, or to anyone else.  I can control that.  I just need to be able to face the music when I let someone down from now on.  I'm trying to do that very thing.  I feel like I'm on the cusp of another fuckup, and I'm doing everything I can to prepare these persons for the truth.  Only thing is, I'm not sure its true yet...