dream on

It turns out that I get discouraged easily.  That's what the women in my life tell me anyway.  Here I thought I was too loyal a person, and what they're telling me is that I'm not loyal enough.  Not loyal enough to myself, or my ideas or dreams.  I don't think that's the case. I think I've been too loyal to those three things, and need to settle in to a bit of humble pie. 

I'm not the man I think I am. 

Sure, I had big dreams once upon a time.  Still do. Kind of.  But 'dream' now more than possible future reality.  Oh to be 13 again. 

I don't know if that will ever really come back.  This latest treck down the 'I have a dream' road got me going again in a way I hadn't felt in...but the crushing reality of the situation and, more importantly, my financial situation has turned everything into a bit of a nightmare.  A very cool nightmare, but a nightmare nonetheless.  I'm adding a lot to my shoulders, and I'm not sure I'm in 'carrying things on my back' mode right now?  But then again, when?

Every week is another deadline.  Another failure.  I do it to myself.