air conditioner

I don't even know what I like anymore.

I feel like getting into anything is a waste of time.  Why I won't allow myself to enjoy anything is beyond me...but its like I've got a guy with a scope on me, and as soon as I start smiling a bit too much.

And I'm lazy.  So damn lazy.  I've got no drive.  No desire.  Just un-desire.  I think that spark went out a while back.  Now I'm getting old and got no real place to go.  Even a meal with the folks is laced with self loathing and various levels of shame now.  It didn't used to be that way.  I guess I see now what I didn't before.  How stupid I was.

I think I know that now.