dizzy

There's a lot going on right now. Work is crazy. I'm splitting my time between two homes that both don't feel like home. I've got a big decision coming about how much of my soul I'm willing to sell. My dream is dying. I'm feeling stronger than I have in a while, but I'm also at my most vulnerable. I have no idea what to do.

zombie dreams

I'm still dealing with this 'situation' at my apartment buidling with the smoker downstairs. I'm staying with family while I attempt to sort this situation out. Two nights ago, I had nightmares for the first time in years, in which I was being stalked by an endless stream of zombies. No matter how many I stabbed in the neck with my trusty screwdriver, and no matter how far I ran or how well I hid, they just kept coming. It was exhausting. I'd wake up in a bit of a panic, hoping that upon falling asleep again, my dreams would be zombie free...with no luck. All night it was the same dream...me, navigating backyard parties full of normal looking people (for the most part) who'd instantly notice my presence and proceed to get up and chase me. I'd kill one zombie in a group, and the rest would temporarily attack the 'victim', feasting on them, before turning their attention back to me.

Then yesterday, after work, I paid my apartment a visit, to find it once again stinking of smoke. After checking my mailbox moments earlier, and finding a piece of mail addressed to the offending apartment, I decided that I'd use the excuse of 'bringing the mail' to finally suss out what was going on in the unit, and potentially confront the smoker and his friends.

The initial encounter got very heated very quickly as my frustration level elevated with each sentence as I attempted to explain why his smoking was a serious problem.

"You're not supposed to smoke in the units..this is a non-smoking building! You've been told!"

"I'm trying to smoke outside..."

"Trying?!?" I shot back. "There's no trying...NO SMOKING!"

That's when I slammed his screen door and got an earful from one of his young friends. Dude stepped up and got all 'You don't know who you're messing with', calling me a 'tough guy', essentially trying to intimidate me.

Not happening. At this point, I am so past being frustrated about this that I'm not afraid of who these guys are, or what they say...and it showed. However, upon returning to my unit, and hearing the group calling me host of names etc., I decided that I didn't like how our confrontation ended, so I went back downstairs.

I knocked on the door, and asked to speak with the guy outside. I apologized for slamming the door out of frustration, but wanted them to understand that my current living situation has been compromised by what they're doing, and that it needed to stop. I wasn't a bad guy...I'm not a 'tough guy'...I'm just a guy who's pissed off that his place smells like stale smoke. I explained that normally, I don't give a shit what people do in the privacy of their own home...loud music, or late night TV isn't an issue as its part of the package when you rent an apartment. Friends coming and going at all hours, while not ideal, isn't illegal and thus is something I can deal with. But when everyone who enters that unit lights up and smokes...and attempts to cover it up by cracking the door and running the bathroom ceiling fan 24/7...its a problem.

After about 5 minutes of pleading my case, and trying to show I'm not the raving 'angry neighbour' that I seemed to be minutes earlier, the situation calmed way down. I was told by the smoker that he was 'probably' moving out at the end of the month, and that he'd try to smoke outside. Still not what I wanted to hear, but at least it was something. I went back to my unit, coming down from the rush of the confrontation...and was proud of what I'd done.

I stood up to those mindless, selfish people smoking downstairs, gave them a piece of my mind, and didn't let the situation to spiral out of control. It got me thinking that maybe my zombie nightmares the night before had subconciously prepared me for what I was about to do...what I needed to do. There were no screwdrivers to the neck...no overwhelming wave of undead...but after the events of the day, I think my subconcious was very helpful in pushing me to 'take the next step' in this situation.

How messed up is that?

fresh air

Its amazing what a couple of nights sleeping in a smokeless bedroom can do for a guy. I'm waking up without that sick, dizzy feeling, I’ve got my appetite back, and I’m smiling again. Seriously, its like night and day. For all you smokers out there…I honestly don’t understand why you do it. Well, I do…but after spending the last month continuously engulfed in varying levels of secondhand smoke, I can’t imagine what life for a smoker must be like. Sure, for some it gets them through the day…takes the edge off…relaxes them…but that shit is poison, there is no doubt in my mind about that now.

My battle with ‘the guy downstairs’ seems to be in a bit of a ceasefire right now as I stay away, checking my place daily for signs of smoking and reporting back to my landlord. Incredibly, it’s going to be tough to give this guy the boot…but I’m dug in right now, scope squarely planted on this assholes front door. Others are telling me I should just move…but then he wins. Well…I win too because I won’t ever have to worry about coming home after a long day at work and trying to fall asleep in a cloudy haze of chemicals…but the fact that its still 50/50 I’ll be living in the apartment I’ve called home for the past 4 years is kind of sad.

The landlord has suggested I ‘talk’ to the guy and explain that I’m allergic, which made me shake my head. Oh, so if I wasn’t feeling ill and it was just a matter of my stuff stinking to high hell there wouldn’t be a problem? Poor guy is just trying to protect his own ass, as he’s the one who okay’d this guy to move in, and he doesn’t want it to come back to bite him any more than it probably already has. But I’ll tell you this much, if I’m the one who goes, good luck renting this place afterwards. And good luck renting Smokey’s place once he stops paying rent and leaves the place a disaster zone…which will happen!

In the mean time, I’m crashing with my parents, enjoying cable TV, fresh air, and quiet nights.



...to be continued…