the dentist

I hate going to the dentist. I understand they have a job to do, and that the health of your teeth is important to them...but I wish, like most things in life, I could get away only having to go to them when things aren't so great...instead of every 6 months. And its the same thing every time.

I'm not flossing enough.
I've got a lot of build up under my gums.
4 of my baby teeth are still 'hanging in there.

You'd think all 3 points would be in bright red font in my file somewhere...but its like they're surprised every time. 'Wow...baby teeth!'

Fact is, I've only had one cavity my entire life...and that was in one of the baby teeth I still have! You'd think the fact that I've held onto 4 teeth for 30 years would earn me some brownie points or something...but no...its never good enough for them! It feels like I'm being called down to the Principals office every 6 months...I mean, has anyone, in the history of oral health, had a 'good' visit to the dentist?

Fuckers...all of them!


The Scream ~ by Edvard Munch

'don't doubt yourself'

I can't remember how the subject came up, but I think I baited my associate by saying something about how I wasn't cool (comparing myself to something cool is probably what I did), and they responded with a pretty genuine sounding 'you're cool.'

And then I sheepishly replied 'Thanks for saying that...but no, I'm not.' I don't know why I said it like that...part looking for sympathy, and part heartfelt honesty maybe(I've been feeling very old and uncool recently...probably birthday angst)

'You're cool.' was her response.

"Don't doubt yourself." followed.

Now I've had people, friends, family, tell me that before...in one way or another. And sure, I believed them, took it to heart...but this time, I don't know, it kind of sunk in. Just the way she said it...she sounded...right. Maybe its because it came from someone who I think it pretty cool...or maybe I do know I'm cool, in my own way, and I just wanted to hear someone say it for once.

Truth is I do doubt myself. A lot. And It gets in the way. Sometimes its for a good reason...and its probably stopped my from making an ass of myself a time or two (I still find a way of course)...but most of the time I think its just an excuse I use to stop. To be lazy. To not push harder. Its weird, deep down, I really do believe in myself, I guess I'm just having a hard time figuring out who I really am?

I'd like to say that things are going to change now because of those three words. That I'll finally stop selling myself short and stop seeing myself as some warped mirror image of myself. Maybe I'll finally grab life by the balls for once and feel like I've got a tidal wave behind me instead of a brick wall in front of me...

...

...or.......(wow...10 seconds...new record!)

like a record

I don't own an IPod...so I don't download music (I think I have 6 songs on my computer). I used to buy CD's...but now, I maybe buy 2-3 a year, and more often than not I find myself buying 'best of' collections. I guess I'm just getting old. The things we thought we'd never do...

Anyway, I used to be a real pro when it came to making good mix-tapes, either for myself or others. However, now that cassette tapes have gone the way of BETA, and my terrapin like crawl into the 21st Century continues, I haven't made too many mix CD's since, well, ever. But after getting into a conversation with a 'child of the 90's', and hearing them try to tell me that the music in the 80's was better than the music in the 90's, I had to set them straight with a little 'sample' of the good ol days. It was nice to pull the old milk crate out and try and thread together 12 or 13 songs like I used to...and sure enough, in no time at all, it was like I was 14 again.

The end result was perhaps one of my finer mixes...although I'm not so sure my audience will think so. I tried to give them a little taste from here (that dog, PJ Harvey) and there (Radiohead, Porno For Pyros), but kids these days...I just don't know how it'll go over. Nevertheless, I burned myself a copy (or, I kept the out-of-order one I made on my first try) and have been killing it in the car for the past week. I'm actually tempted to start working on the follow up...