Is blood on the page a problem?

Nothing new to report. Just thought I'd give the fingers a little exercise before bed. I'm working a lot this week, and while part of me is happy about that…there will always be that part of me that dreads seeing another week go by without anything new happening. More of the old 'same old, same old'.
I've tried a couple of time to really jumpstart my life, but the spark was always extinguished early…and I would settle back down the few feet I may have traveled.
I never used to really pay attention to spirituality…but these past few months have given me an insight that, while neither right or wrong (I'm on the fence to tell you the truth…surprise, surprise) it feels like a positive direction type change…one that I have been building up to for some time. I'm hardly a zealot…and I'm nowhere near even being considered polished, I'm actually a little uncomfortable talking about it because I'm still not totally sure where I fit in to the whole thing, but there's a spot inside my chest that is now occupied by something that wasn't there before. And whatever it is, I don't want to let it fizzle out like so many times before.
No, this something isn't going to allow me to lift a car over my head, or leap over a tall building in a single bound…but it seems to have given my life a 'safehouse' that I can visit and revisit as much as I need.
Whatever it takes. The time for sitting and humming to the tune has passed…its time I cut my fingers a little.

V For Vendetta

"There are no coincidences...only the illusion of coincidence..."


***

Well, that certainly didn't take long...

I had a feeling Blogger would force us all to switch over to the 'new' Blogger at some point if we wanted to continue our blogs. It was only a matter of time. I just thought we would get a little more time to warm up to the idea of change. When faced with a 'do-or-die' propsition like the one I was faced with when attempting to sign into my 'old' Blogger account today, I have a strong tendency to choose ‘die’. I mean, who the fuck are they to force me to sign up for something I don't want or need, right? F&LinA came quite close to coming to an end...but in the end, I was far too pleased with my blogging progress thus far to throw it all away because I'm a stubborn S.O.B.

So I caved...

Anyway, I'm going to remember this...Google...Blogger...this better be worth it, or else...

I'll be one angry banana!

A Scanner Darkly

"Crazy job they gave me. But if I wasn't doing it, someone else would be. And they might get it wrong."


****

fire

A busy few weeks…and its going to get even busier. Great winds of change are blowing, rattling my windows in the process. Sleepless nights and zombie days are
slowing giving way to a growing sense of purpose and pride...fragile
and fleeting. What little I do certainly isn’t glamorous or lucrative…
I’m a link near the bottom of the chain…but what I do I do well,
and in my own way, I do it better.

There’s a lot I don’t know. I just don’t know.
But my heart is good, that much I do know.
But I’m not perfect.
Prototypical ‘B’ student…metaphorical ‘B’ person.
But there is plenty of room to grow.
Always has been.

Turns out the glass ceiling isn’t made of glass after all…
It's made of ice.

Beep Beep...

So I’m driving home tonight and I became embroiled in an intense internal debate about other drivers…and just how plain shitty and inconsiderate the average driver is today. There are many little things that really stick in my craw when it comes to driving…and in the span of about an hour, I witnessed too many to count. There was the guy who nearly cut right ahead of me to make a left hand turn into a gas station…while I had the right of way. I guess he got a good look at my face at thought I was a ‘nice guy’ and would let him in? Then there was the guy in the pickup truck that, because the car ahead of me went straight on a flashing green, assumed that his light was green too…and missed my rear end by less than a foot as he went right through a solid-as-solid-can-be red light. That almost forced me to pull over I was so hot. I mean…I came this close to being in a fairly significant accident at an intersection, and I would have been totally blameless...and buddy would have got out of his car (hopefully with no injuries...nobody wants to see that) and started apologizing profusely…and I’d just have to sit there and take it like the good Joe Citizen I am.

Then there was the lady who decided that parking in a proper parking spot a mere 10 feet away was not a good idea…and decided to pull up to the curb of the shop of her choice, causing traffic in both directions a fair bit of grief. Or the dude in his huge SUV who needed 2 tries to pull into a parking space…going forward! Get a smaller car if you can’t park jackass!

As you can see…by about the 30 minute mark of my journey, I was a few degrees away from having steam shoot out my ears. But then, after filling up with gas, just as my fury had begun to subside…the clouds parted. Attempting to turn right out of the gas station, someone waved me in. Then, a few blocks later…I flashed my beams at some lady to let her in…and got a courtesy wave for my troubles. Balance had been restored.

Sort of…

There are still a ton of really bad, ignorant, poorly taught, oblivious drivers out there…and they need to get off the cell phone, put down the blackberry and wake the f*** up…you are at the controls of a deadly weapon…and the fate of all the other drivers on the road depends on you being at your best.

I love driving. I hate traffic.

Gibberish

Considerate illiterate fond of falling trees
Opium cowboy on no sleep
Cavorting wilderness draped in a blanket of perpetual sky
Silent billows of acid smoke
Resting on a garden gnome
Newspaper shavings inform the day
Cadillac credit card bills tacked to the board
Beneath the umbrella of silk
A ham-fisted relic of a bygone era
Matrimony and marmalade
Broken fingers with the knuckles hollowed out
Wind chill factory

Finally...

Do you hear that? Thats the sound a giant monkey hopping off Peyton Manning's back as he FINALLY won the big game against his arch rival Tom Brady today in what was one of the better NFL playoff games I've ever seen.

I was sure going into the game that Peyton would somehow find a way to lose (or Brady would find a way to win)...and after the first quarter, down 21-3, it looked like I was going to be right (I even said that the game was over) as Peyton looked very tentative...like a deer caught in the high beams. But somehow, Manning and the Colts managed to pull their shit together at the end of the 1st Half and started playing like they do during the regular season. I've been a big Peyton Manning fan going back to his days as a College QB at Tennessee, but I've come to admire and respect Tom Brady for being the winner that he is, and was sure that he and New England would pull out another one.

Not this time!

Congrats to Peyton and the Colts...now its off to Miami to face Da Bears in the SuperBowl in 2 weeks time. Should be a great game.

Of A Demon In My View...

BALTIMORE (AP) - For the 58th straight year, a mysterious visitor left birthday cognac and roses Friday at the grave of Edgar Allan Poe. Starting in 1949, a frail figure made an annual visit to Poe's grave. Poe, who wrote poems and horror stories such as "The Raven" and "The Telltale Heart," was born in Boston and raised in Richmond, Va. He died Oct. 7, 1849, in Baltimore at age 40 after collapsing in a tavern.

The bowers whereat, in dreams, I see

The wantonest singing birds,

Are lips- and all thy melody

Of lip-begotten words-

Thine eyes, in Heaven of heart enshrined,

Then desolately fall,

O God! on my funereal mind

Like starlight on a pall-

Thy heart- thy heart!- I wake and sigh,

And sleep to dream till day

Of the truth that gold can never buy-

Of the baubles that it may.

{To... ~ Edgar Allen Poe}

Air

the
sun
bird
waving
in
the
tortured
sky
flailing
on
a
current
made
of
toxic
exhaust
fan
smoke

eighteen questions

burger queen ~ placebo
hey mister rain ~ velvet underground
i'm just a killer for your love ~ blur
the hardest button to button ~ the white stripes
slow hands ~ interpol
there, there ~ radiohead
looks just like the sun ~ broken social scene
doin time ~ sublime
dancing days ~ stone temple pilots
don't forget me ~ red hot chilli peppers
do you believe in rapture ~ sonic youth
la mer ~ nine inch nails
pyramid song ~ radiohead
ramshackle ~ beck
rooster ~ alice in chains
i hate myself and want to die ~ nirvana
bad as they seem ~ hayden
letters from a porcupine ~ shannon hoon

Sail To The Moon

"I spoke too soon

And how much did it cost..."

The Saga Continues...

Alright, I'm not going to pretend like this is coming from a happy place…I'm a little in the dumps right now, and I'm trying as hard as I can to flip the switch and shine a little light on the situation. The ranting and raving of the past few months has helped purge some of the bile and diseased molecules from my wracked body…but it has left me gasping for air. I am stronger than I was before I started all this…that much is certain…and my belief in my fellow (wo)man has been stirred, not shaken…but I'm still a little wobbly. As the earth beneath my feet begins to turn to tundra, and the cold winds blow in from the west, I look ahead to spring and hopefully being able to wake up from this dark hibernation with a fresh perspective and a renewed optimism for myself and those brave enough to call me a friend/pal/acquaintance. Why stare at the ceiling when you can reach for the stars, right?

To those who find themselves in similar circumstances…just remember that the train has to come back around at some point…so see if you can hop off now to jump back on going the other way. Wait it out on the platform…

It may sound silly, but I do care…just sometimes a little too hard…

(inner) peace

In Absentia...

I'm an idiot...but I'll be back......

Very Niiiiiiice

All I can say is...holy shit. You knew something like this was just around the corner, what with the way cell phones have gotten more and more advanced in recent years...but this is a next level. Its like a tiny TV/Computer that fits in your pocket. Oh and you can call people on it. Don't get me wrong, I won't be in line to get one but it is pretty sweet. That being said, if you thought people were off in their own world before while walking down the street, eating their lunch, or shopping at the mall...

To the future! (meh!)

A Bakers Dozen (Half Full)

"The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can." ~ Robert Cushing

"The searching-out and thorough investigation of truth ought to be the primary study of man." ~ Cicero

"Insist on yourself. Never imitate." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If we all did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves." ~ Thomas Edison

"The best rules to form a young man are: to talk little, to hear much, to reflect alone upon what has passed in company, to distrust one's own opinions, and value others that deserve it." ~ Sir William Temple

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us." ~ Helen Keller

"Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities." ~ Aldous Huxley

"Fortify yourself with contentment, for this is an impregnable fortress." ~ Epictetus

"Solitude is as needful to the imagination as society is wholesome for the character." ~ James Russel Lowell

"Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances." ~ Benjamin Franklin

"The best way out is always through." ~ Robert Frost

"I have learned to seek my happiness by limiting my desires, rather than attempting to satisfy them." ~ John Stuart Mill

"Believe that you have it, and you have it." ~ Latin Proverb

"You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain"

As promised, I returned to the local bowling alley this week to play 3 more games. I did good.

Game 1: 134 {3 strikes, 2 spares}
Game 2: 127 {0 strikes, 3 spares}
Game 3: 166 {1 strike, 6 spares}

Total: 427 {142 average}

Previous Scores: 100, 118, 153 {123 average}

If I do say so myself, that’s pretty fucking sweet for someone who plays every year or so. It’s actually feels nice to find (or rediscover) something that I’m relatively good at…something tangible that other people (bowlers) can recognize too. I also claimed first place in the 5-year-old fantasy football league I’m in for the 3rd time in 4 years a couple of weeks ago. I'm still waiting on the parade...

Bowling and Fantasy Football…its what I’m good at. (I guess)

Sure, these two pillars of coolness aren’t going to win me many friends or impress any women anytime soon, but at this point, I’ll take what I can get, cause as it stands, the rest of my life is a cesspool of loathing, numbness and despair…so the bowling is a nice break.

Have You Seen THIS Man?

WANTED

FOR BEING A GREEDY CORPORATE LIAR

DEAD or ALIVE

REWARD ~ $20

After quietly wondering to myself if in fact I was the only person who thought this way, I had a sneaking suspicion quietly seconded today when I stumbled upon this little nugget while surfing the net.

“No, Ken Lay was allegedly quickly cremated after suddenly dying during a ski vacation following his conviction on fraud charges, thus conveniently escaping 20 to 30 years of life behind bars. Ken Lay is in fact quite possibly tanning his fat hide on a beach on a private island bought with the billions stolen from ordinary Americans at this very moment. Sadly, Ken Lay gets the award for Least Dead Person of 2006.”

I followed the Enron story pretty closely as it slowly lurched from the company's collapse, to the media trial by fire, to the actual trial by court, and I remember thinking to myself form the get go that these greedy, corrupt executives were going to get away with it. But one by one, we saw VP’s getting 10-20 years, being whisked away to country club halfway houses…oh I’m sorry, prison…and it all looked like justice might actually be served…sort of. I mean, people lost their entire lives…and these guys only have to do 6 years? And then came the big boys.

And CEO and Enron Chairman Mr. Kenneth Lay was the biggest of them all. So what happened to him you ask? Well, he was convicted of 10 counts of conspiracy, fraud and false statements…and looked pretty guilty doing it. The final domino had fallen it seemed, and Ley was facing some serious jail time. He was due to be sentenced to his prison term (probably for the rest of his life) when…oops, he died of a heart attack while on vacation in Aspen. And the world wept.

But wait. It gets better. You see, for some odd reason, his conviction was abated a mere 3 months after his death…meaning it was as if he had never been indicted, tried and convicted. So essentially…he was a free man…only he was too ‘dead’ to enjoy it.

Notice how I wrote ‘dead’?

Face it…Kenneth Lay is not dead. My theory is that he used a small fraction of the billions of dollars he ripped out of the hands of his employees and stock holders to pay off who he had to pay off (would you lie and say he was dead, sign the death cirtificate, and go on record if his family promised you, oh, say $1-2 million in 5 years?) so that he could fake his own death like a fucking rock star and get away scott free. Think about it...why on Earth would the courts feel the need to abate his sentance just because he was dead? He's still guilty, right? I can think of only one reason.

$$$$$$$$

I can just see the grin on this fuckers face as he sits on the balcony of some resort like million dollar home in Argentina or somewhere in the South Pacific, sipping on a margarita and laughing. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if his wife and family were in the dark too. Why take a chance? I bet you he stashed a good $100-200 million in some Swiss Bank account just in case…and then, with a few phone calls to some ‘loyal’ people in very high places who know how to keep secrets, the the plan was set in motion. A few million in a dozen or so greasy palms, a chartered private jet and a one way ticket to paradise, a look-a-like corpse from the county morgue, a quickie cremation…

I don’t believe for a second that Ken Ley is dead.